Please give the nurses another 20 minutes

         A rainy day today, but it feels good

I'm in the waiting room again, getting used to the answer, "another 20 minutes" I have a way to deal with it, I'll write then I think. I'm sure he's fine, still. Woke later today, was good, I needed the extra sleep. Polly was awake already, we talked, she got me a coffee ☕ was nice for a short time to be together, and not tired. Penny was on the bing, Bing Bing of messenger, she talked with me there, we been talking there alot.

Another day waiting, always positive, and with something to look forward to. Ciara called just now, she's gassed up and on her way, will see her in about 4-5 hrs. 

How things change, I'm back in his room after my first request learning that his breathing machine is being changed, I tell them it seems like going backwards, more machines instead of less. They inform me this is the normal after 1week in, so not a problem, no real difference. I tell them it feels like going backwards. Trying to be positive is not easy when seems like instead of getting off machine getting another. 

Now another change, as the curtains are pulled all around and the nurse informs me that we will have to wear gown, visor, glove's saying now he has a "super bug" what the heck, how does this happen so fast, I'm sitting with him like yesterday, and all the sudden, I'm going to have to gown and glove and shield. Then I just get in behind the curtain, which is open about 4' where the bins to take your stuff off at are, and I sit down talk with Chris about 5 minutes, and the nurse says we going to turn him, please could you go stand by the window. Yes I can, no prob so I go there, just behind Chris where until now they had as a storage area, all empty now. As I look out the window I wonder, what's next. I turn around to look, and the nurse says, "please turn and look out the window" ok now what? I ask can I use my phone? She says yes, but we will have to clean it when you leave. 

I call Polly, I texted her earlier when I went to the bathroom, I talk as they turn him, and try not to talk to loud. I'm not happy with this, I'm actually kinda pissed, but what can I do? Just seems re-dic-u-less! One moment I'm ok to be visiting normal, next most uncomfortable and why? Protacall is what I'm told. I'll find out more as time goes. I don't get it. What really changed, and how can this skirt around Chris stop the bug? I just don't get it. So I type here.

The nurse says I can visit again, come out of the corner, I walk out and move the chair beside Chris, I sit and hold his arm, I try to be positive, but this is crappy. With gloves on it feels impersonal, with the face screen it's reflective, and as I look up I see glare from behind me, my glasses are not easy to adjust now, my tears are hard to wipe, glad I'm not crying right now. I worry how Ciara will feel, how she will deal with this "new normal" case it doesn't feel normal. 

I talk with Chris but with the shield it feels like all the sound comes back to me. Despondent is how I feel now. Where did this bug come from? Did he Catch it from the next door neighbor? How bad is this? 

The nurse tlod me she was going for coffee ☕ still gone, and the other nurse comes in with no gown, no face screen, just glove's, changes a bottle, and out she goes. What the heck???

The curtains open still, the curtains only for privacy, will not stop bugs, I just don't get this. 

The nurse goes into the private room, gowns up, we are right beside this room, it has a glass glass sliding door, huge, the wall is about 16feet, all glass and a door at one end is about 1/2 the wall. This door is always open a bit, and the patient has been in for 6 weeks his wife said to me yesterday, as he got this lung infection, and has been a long haul clearing it up, he still can't breath on his own. 

 My thoughts are is this what we are headed for? I know not positive thinking, but is my thought now. I have to use my password to get into my phone now, gloves won't let my finger print work. Small thing, but just another change.

I'm afraid to leave now, as I don't know what it will be like to come back in. I don't like this, nurse still gone, I never paid too much attention to this before, but now I wonder what the heck is going on. 

I can't imagine what Ciara's reaction will be. 

Chris is moving his head side to side, calmly, kind of restless. 

Polly's here now, told hang her purse here, not on the chair, the chairs are for us to chart! Bossy nurse I'm thinking, I don't like the way she is. 

The nurse helps her get dressed, I'm now feeling upset, I talk with Polly after she gets in the room, I'm sorry for her, she is accepting, I'm upset. I tell her I just don't get it. This change just doesn't make sense. 

I tell Polly I got to go pee, and have lunch, maybe it will help. She says, yes that might be it. So off I go, I ask the nurse what is the reason as I leave, she tells me it's a super bug, and it's all over the hospital. Now I'm getting really upset, so upset she can see, asking if I want to talk to the charge nurse. I say no, it won't help, it's me. 

I leave, bathroom and lunch, after I realized I have to go back, I just have to see if I can deal with this. I get in after waiting for them to ok I can come in. I talked with myself outside, try to keep it together, for Polly, for Chris. As I get to the nurse she started explaining this bug, so I ask her about the bug, she stays by saying Chris might have had it on him when he came in! 😳 Now I'm fuckin mad, so I back her up to her language, she is now trying to tell me it's in the community, I say what, you said all around the hospital, now expanded to the community, I'm now just fuckin vibrating, what are you telling me? Would you like to speak to the, no I don't want to talk with anyone, I just don't get it I say, when I first got here today all was good, then a new tube machine, the guy explaining that this happens after 7days on vent. Ok, I get that this one gives more moisture in the tube. 

Ok that just a change, be ok. But I tell him and the nurse, it just feels like we going backwards, that we are getting new machines, not closer to getting the tube out. 

Next I'm told by the nurse, we getting change due to the bug Chris has, called it a superbug, we going to have to wear protection called it PPE, I didn't realize it meant we have to be gown, face screen, latex glove's, and if I use my phone, it will have to be cleaned after I come out. 

I'm very upset now, I told the nurse this makes no sense, curtain wide open, nothing to protect the people passing by, bugs all over she says, and here we are all PPE for what, what's changed since yesterday? Just now you know it's a super bug? I got to leave I tell her, I can't stay, this I just don't get. She asked again, do I want to talk to her, and I cut her off, will it Change This? As I wave my arm, she says no. 

So I left, I'm still so upset. 

I slept in the waiting room, I regrouped, and after Ciara came in and we talked, I went back in, was better this time, I apologize to the nurse, she says I have right to get upset. I vist Chris with Polly till Ciara comes back. Dinner now, Ciara takes the evening shift we decide. Was a nice dinner, and hopefull again. 

Today's start, I sit in the waiting room again, Another 20 minutes please, nurse doing an assessment. And on it goes.

Positive thoughts 🤗❤️ Ciara's back, that helps, we are one day closer to Chris waking up, all will be good 👍🤗