Christmas done, that went fast, now what?

Today is the day after the crazy of Christmas. A day that people go back to work, share stories with friends and work mate's about their Christmas and how it went. Most that are talking will be relaying the fun and happiness of there family time, gifts received & given, party's attended, friends they haven't seen for years they saw, all the fun and happiness of the season. 

I remember always someone that didn't talk about their Christmas, off to the side at work, someone that was silent, just went to work, did their job quietly. I never really understood their quiet. I do now, Christmas was hard this year, and as I go to write it here the phone always jumps to Chris as it's the phone's first guess at what I'm trying to write. Maybe is a good thing, but really doesn't feel like it right now. 

We went to Key West for Christmas Eve, I had planned to go Christmas day, but thinking ahead the thought of driving there and back same day didn't excite me, so I booked a Airbnb for the night close to where I thought we would be able to walk about easily. We were both excited to go.

The drive was nice, road was busy, but we were in no hurry, so pulled over every once in awhile, checking out a shop here, a beach there, and finally stopped for lunch off the beaten path, through a gate that was knocked down, reminded me of the pit at home, where the young went to party. We saw remnants of fires, and the tracks of someone doing donuts in the sand. Nobody here, and ocean water in the pools close to the gravel/coral surface here. Perfect place for lunch.

Polly got the cooler and made a few sandwiches, we had a few non alcoholic beers there too. The wind was cool, but the Sun was warm as we sat inside looking out at the beautiful water here. 

Lunch was good, we packed up and off we went for our last 1/2 hour to Key West. It was busy getting into town, but the GPS on my phone helped find the place easily. After calling Dave, we got all our stuff up the stairs, then checked out our room, was nice, nothing fancy, but nice. Had a balcony that we could sit on later which we like to do. 

We laid on the bed for a little while, Polly got the TV working right away as I parked the truck. Was nice to be here, away, even if was still Florida, and cool out, we were away. After a bit we went for a walk, Polly had no jacket so we had a mission, didn't take long she found just what she wanted across the street. 

After a short stroll we came back to the room, and watched TV for awhile, just numbing our mind's. Polly had bought a bottle of wine 🍷 the day before, a big bottle, and was about 2/3rds left, so we took this and our glasses Polly had packed to the porch and joined another couple that were out there from Kansas City, trying to get the football 🏈 game on their laptop. Kansas was playing the Seahawks, we said Seahawks, that's the team we are fans of! Well they informed us Seahawks were loosing. 😳

Oh well, looking like no playoffs for them. After awhile Dave the guy that showed us in came out, we all talked, then after awhile I was topping up Polly's wine, and talking with Dave as Polly talked with the couple. Was an interesting time, Dave was well read, and knew so much about history, we talked it up for a few hours. Polly was also having a good yak up with the couple. 

Finally the wine ran out, and we decided to go back to our room. Was a nice way to spend a couple hours. We sat in the room and warmed up a bit before dinner, watching TV, then as my stomach rumbling started I said wanna go to dinner, Polly was almost going to sleep, but up she got, and off we went to a Cuban restaurant that Dave had recommended. 

On the way there Polly was cold, the wind was not our friend this Christmas Eve, and Polly let me know. Brr she said, as we walked. The restaurant was packed when we got there, but we were asked how many, and after a couple minutes we were seated and given menus. Surprised we were, our drinks ordered and food orders taken in 5-10 minutes, great! The noise of so many people was joyess, was nice to be where so many were so happy 😊😀

I ordered another glass 🍷 of wine, Polly says ice tea, no more wine, LoL. We talked, and watched people, just really enjoyed our time here. Then food arrived, that was great, and really good food, something different. Yellow rice, they called it, looking orange to me, really good, and beans in a different dish, small dark brown, I had grooper, Polly had chicken & shrimp, Mmm 😋 good. The topper was plantiene, neither of us ever had this before, and it was Mmm 😋 good. 

After dinner we sat awhile, the waiter brought to-go box and a bag to pack it in. The bill was less than I thought, and the service great, and food fantastic, made for a very nice evening. The cleanup guy found my keys for me, and Polly's phone for her, that deserved and extra tip. All in all was a very good experience. 

Polly is up now, sitting next to me playing her game on her phone, grr, ahhh, all the frustration she gets playing, I'm laughing. LoL lol. 😂🤣😅

We walked home, looking at the different decorations as we went, some very different than anything we saw before. Was a nice walk for me, still Cold for Polly. 

                This one really struck me, an

          Angels horn of Peace on the rooftop 

            When Pigs fly was my thought

Was a very good evening, home to our room we went, and sleep was good, bed was hard. 

In the morning I woke early as per usual, coffee ☕ was available,

 I made a cup at 5am, sat and looked at my phone till Polly wake at 6. We talked, I got a coffee ☕ for here & another ☕ for me. TV on now. At 7 I went for a walk about, I love this time, streets are bare, only a very few out this early on Christmas day, some were the hard done by, some I saw later we the exercise type, but mostly nobody. 

As I walk I like photos, so much new to see here, different sight's. I walked along looking for the beach on the point of the key, but no beach, just fencing all along, a naval base here

         ocean view here through the fence

    State park entrance was closed until 8am

and all closed off, even the state park has a huge fence up. I'm not used to this, as in Canada we do have more freedom when it comes to public lands, at least where I'm from, BC. I am noticing the changes coming there too though, more gates, and no trespassing signs. Always brothers me, reminds me of the song. "Sign Sign, Everywhere a Sign" 

I walked for about an hour&1/2 was a good walk, took many photos, then on the way back I stopped in and got a couple chi tea lattes, and 2 chocolate croissants, and a couple fruit tarts. Polly was surprised, she says "didn't do good for the waistline, but was Christmas 😆"

After our breaky, we took a little time to walk about, but shopping was out for today, although all the stores were open by 9am, we decided to make our way home slowly, we checked out by 10, packed our foods to the truck, and we're heading home along the south shore where we discovered the best beaches are, long beaches, with parking all along. We now know where to go when we return. 

     One of the many boats that come to USA

              from Cuba regularly.

On our trip home we stopped at Bahi Honda state Park, wanted to take a look around here, maybe get a campsite for the future, LoL, not likely, all booked on line, and only way to get one we were told was keep refreshing your screen till you get lucky and someone cancels. LoL, yea right, like that's what I'm going to do! 

Was nice to see the place again, but wind got even stronger now, so we didn't really get to looking around too much, well come back again. 

The rest of the way home was slow, and we liked it like that, always a few that want to go fast, so I let them by so they can catch up to the next guy and pester him. 

Was a nice trip, will do again when warmer. Warmer is coming tomorrow, looking at the forecast I'm thinking AC going to be on again, I know now to enjoy the Cool for today, will be nice and warm tomorrow. 

Getting back to what now? I think plans, that's what I remember from my last time I felt like this, make plans, set plans on the calendar, make some interesting possibilities for our future. 

That we have done, and will continue to do as life can get you down, but it's up to you to pick yourself up and carry on, that's just the way it is, you gotta take care of you! That's life!

As Memere used to say "Life is Life." 

I say let's get going, cause time doesn't slow for anyone. 

😊😀😁   🤗❤️

Writing in the Rain, under the awning in shorts

When we left Grande Prairie Alberta at -20 having experience with -32 I wanted warmer, but I never really thought 2weeks later I'd be outside at 7am writing under the awning in my shorts and tee-shirt while the rain came down.

 Polly just got up after I came outside, I gave her a "Good morning" through the screen, she's now put the dishes away that dried overnight. I usually do, but not today, I read about a few things this morning, the amount of oil&gas our province's BC & Alberta have, so much. Yet we still have so much trouble trying to get it to market. 

I looked about FB for awhile, checked out boats here on market place, some beauty's here. Looked at some cool cars here too, not buying, just looking, so much easier that purchases. I booked a room in key West for Christmas Eve last night as we watched a movie, the drive there and back on Christmas day would be long otherwise. Will be nice, a night there for Christmas, never thought we'd be doing that either. 

Life goes on. 

My view as I write, a beautiful palm across the street full of coconuts I think. The road is right behind that campsite, I can here the cars going by in the morning, all going to work somewhere I'm thinking. It's nice to hear the hustle and bustle, and not have to be "in it", we can wait till later to go somewhere, or maybe not go at all. 

It's interesting how I look at things, every place we camp there is something that catches my heart ❤️, something that I see that I really like.

This site has flowers behind on shrubs, and palms in front, and warm breeze, the traffic is there too, but not a problem. I hear the helicopter up already, traffic copter? Who knows, I'm just content to sit and watch and listen to the day unfold. 

Coffee ☕ is cold, almost gone now, I ate a cinnamon bun earlier that was left from yesterday's Christmas celebration here, was nice seeing the kids here getting presents from the resort managers. The kids were all happy, well most of them, the teen, or preteens we're kinda of unimpressed, but that's just the way, LoL. 

Rains stopped now, I'm thinking a walk is in order now. See if after a visit inside with Polly I feel the same. So much yet to see here, and when wet it will all be just a little different. Looking forward to my walk already. 

🤗🌴❤️🎄

My early morning today.

Polly's word's "That sun sure feels nice, I think I'll have to put on my Capris tomorrow " 😀

Our travels have started again, Polly and I both happy to look forward, even though we are still active in getting some movement on Chris's case with the law. Will pause for the Christmas season, take a break from beating my head against the door's of justice, to enjoy the moments here south. 

😳 we had a casualty in the park yesterday 

We shopped yesterday, not my favorite, but if it wasn't for Polly seeing the need, I might be opening a can of I don't know what for dinner, LoL. We went to Walmart, not a favorite of mine (just don't like how the machine operates) and stood in line while an older man on the till fumbled through trying to deal with a customer, I felt for him, thought about how he must feel dealing with this job, I'm sure he needs, yet probably wasn't in his plans going forward in life. 

Then we get a young person who relieves the older guy, she gave us some talk rather than geterdone, that was enough shopping in the big box for me, I'm not going to do that again for awhile, if Polly wants, she can, I'm just not going to, I'll go to a place where they bag my groceries for me and I pay a little more.

LoL, if you didn't know, I'm not a good shopper, I am the kinda person that gets in, get it, and go. If it's not readily available as I get in the store, or I just am not in the mood, I'm outta there. That's my kinda shopping. Polly knows, so when I endure a trip, she knows I'm giving in to her want, or need to get a "good deal".

We did get a couple decent steaks, not great, but acceptable, and nice veggies, and of course I had to get a carton of ice cream 😀

Chocolate, with some nuts. So not all was lost. We had a nice dinner, I got the BBQ out of the basement, even though I wasn't wanting to, and tank out of the truck, and then cooked the steaks. Was nice to have a good dinner with my honey, Polly did a few shrimp up too, made for a really nice dinner. 

                      tasty it was

Doesn't sound like anything different, but it has been a long time since we have been camped, and on our own, in our home. Dinner was nice, no wine, we kinda missed that, but all in all was nice. 

We took a walk in the late afternoon around the campground, and down the dock by the water, met a few people, talked little, petted a few nice dogs, was nice to get out. Polly resisted the walk, but I managed to discard her excuse this time, and she thanked me on return. We held hands, talking and walking was nice. 

Afternoon looking towards the campground 

Polly mentioned to me yesterday and brought it up again on our walk, maybe next year we will just fly to Mexico and spend a few months, instead of driving? Most of the time when Polly says something I pay attention, this would be a change alright, I'm wondering now if this will happen? I do like having our home with us, I do like having all our stuff as we travel. 

I wonder what next year will bring? We have a plan to return to the island for the spring and part of the summer, catch up with family and friends, then travel towards Grande Prairie to visit with Ciara and our grandchildren there, Taylor & Brett, Jack & Wendy, & other friends we have made, or know there. Then what? 

Polly has moved past this to flying somewhere, and renting a place for 3 or more months. I'm not sure we will, but I'm aware now there is a plan starting. Will see what materializes 😊

For now we have till the end of January at a place in Florida city, will get our site today, and start settling in for Christmas, and plans to go for a drive to the Florida keys on Christmas day is in works. Maybe I can steer Polly away from cooking a big dinner on Christmas day for a change, a picnic on the beach maybe 😀 will see how the days unravel. 

6:00 now, coffee ☕ got a little cool, I'm going to warm it up and watch a little something on the phone and wait for Polly to stir, or day light to come, then a walk about before packing up for our trip to Florida city. Be another fine day I'm sure. 

Merry Christmas y'all 🎄⛄

No snow feels so darn good 😎🌞♥️🤗

Today we travel again

Off to Florida today, all going well we will be at our RV park by Tuesday afternoon, see how the trip goes, is about 14hours total drive time depending on the route we take. We do like stops and check out places on our way, but this time I'm wanting to be there and setup and meet our new neighbors before Christmas day! 🎄⛄ 

I'm up and showered before 6am, coffee ☕ by my side, and phone in hand, feeling pretty darn good. Sleep was really good last night, when I wake almost always the same thoughts, Chris and what's happened. I try to change my thoughts, but sometimes I just let it come. Today I had a mission, get up get ready and go. So I did dwell long on the thoughts. I tear up a little as I write, is normal I'm told, 

I read FB posts, and Jarrid's post gets me good, he tells it like I feel, give us a chance to go to trial, and have a jury look over the facts, then make a decision. That's when we think we would get Justice! On the same page if the case was lost in court, it could affect the outcome of the civil suit. That I surely would not want to happen. Ciara is going to need all the financial help she can get to raise the boys, and continue. 

So I'm torn going forward, what's the best way to go at this, angry and pushing for justice? As that's what I want, I good ole beat em up, drag em down the road on his face fight! (And that Putin it mildly) In court, with the prosecuter fighting with the law to gain justice for Chris and all of us!  Or do I see the day we see him in civil court, with our lawyer asking him the questions we all want answered now? What the hell were you thinking? Why would you do this you asshole? Do you know the pain you have caused? Do you care? 

I'm not sure, but I do know today we travel, and that's something, something we love Polly and I, so onward and forward towards the warmth of Florida, and the excitement of the journey. It's light enough out now I can go start the fridge in our trailer, and come back here to our friends home, and get all our foods packed ready to travel. 

Our goodbyes to our friends who have been so darn good to us here, just amazes me, I shake my head just now as I write, very good friends 🤗❤️  now I'm teared up again, hard to write with this sorta shit happening all the time, but I'm getting used to looking through the tears, and seeing the words blury, it's the snotty nose that is a real problem lol. 

And on we go, looking forward to what's to come. 

🤗❤️ Thanks so much friends, and friends of friends for the support during this most thought time 🤗🤗🤗❤️❤️❤️

Thinking deeply about life

As I sit here early morning in Grande Prairie in our friends home, coffee ☕ by my side, warm and protected from the cold outside I think how fortunate we are, Polly and I. At a time when we were at our most vulnerable we received help from so many people, friends that are understanding our, hmm, predicament, pain, dispair, hurt, just a few of so many words that may possibly describe this &_$#@?¥€¢£π√®©% we are in. 

That's the best I can do to screem at what's happened, what I am so amazed at is the support we have gotten over the last 2 months from so many people. 

It's 6am, I woke at 4, LoL, I now call a 4 am wakeup a good sleep, funny how things change, slowly normal will return! 

Or friends have let us move into their home, and made us as comfortable as it was our own, I we can't say enough about how much easier it was to be able to do what we needed to do here in Grande Prairie. We wanted to and had to help our Daughter-in-law Ciara and her family through this unbelievable time in all our lives, and we did. We made it through to where we are now, about to leave Grande Prairie, and continue our adventures. 

We leave with peace, and regret. Regret we couldn't get action on the crimes committed, and peace knowing that what could be done we have done. I'm not giving up on the idea that justice will come, just know, I just don't know how yet. I have been careful not to splat out the rage and anger 🤬 I feel broadly, I believe this will do no good. Not that I don't want to, or that I don't wake every day thinking of what can I do? Who can I reach out to? What will get action? 

My mind has been overwhelmed, really pushed to the limit I say, when the thoughts are coming in faster then I can separate them. When one box of Kleenex leads to another, and another, that when I know I've really done it. I'm happy to say Wendy & Jack are very good Costco shoppers, everything in bulk. Never run out of whatever here.

 I shake my head as I write right now, I still can't believe it. Those are Polly's words, so many times, she just can't believe it! How, why, what the 🤬🤬🤬🤬

And on we go, one foot in front of the other, we will say goodbye to our friends, and family here in GP today and tomorrow, and Sunday we fly towards Chesapeake, Virginia, where friends we have an invite to "stay as long as you like" also came to our rescue during this unexpectable time. Friends we met at a funeral for a friend a few years ago, that were so helpful then, and have been now again. 

I've heard and read "you reap what you sow" now going through this I truly believe this to be true. I'm not sure what good we have sown, but we sure are reaping the crop. People off offer at times like this, but we have witnessed so much love, help, friendship, and giving that my inner being is just overwhelmed with love. So many people helping, and hurting at the same time. 

I have to say this is, was will continue to be the most soul retching experience I've ever had to go through, and with that it is also the most supportive time I've ever been through as well. I know, we know we can't ever thank people enough for all that they have done to help, just know everything was really appreciated. 

Ah I thought the sighing was done, not yet. 

Another drink of coffee ☕ another look at the black window 

What now? 

Friends called last night, We had a video chat with them they are in Florida now, wanting us to come visit with them as they just arrived, and we're feeling tipsy, and enjoying their pool, and their friends that have a house rented for some winter escape. Was a fun conversation, was just that little bit of fun that helps break us from the sadness we have been in for long, too long. Was really nice to laugh, laugh and just be silly for a short time. 

I know we just don't flip a switch, and life goes on, this next part with Polly and I will take time to, to what? Be ok? Feel ok? Move on? I sigh again, I just don't know. Time will tell, I know that will change things, "but" I want to say here, so I'll change that to here we go, onward and upward 👆

6:40 now, house very quiet, only the furnace still blowing, the clock moving quietly back and forth

I know that action is what is about to happen, as we move from here to there, then again we pick up our Jack's, and move again. Action is something Polly and I like, movement to the next place, park, town, 🏖️ beach, dream. 

This nightmare will subside, and our lives will continue, our adventures with each other and friends will go on. I'm just not sure right now how, I do know that the saying "pull up you socks and get going" applies here.

On the Tuesday in Virginia I have an appointment with the producer of CTV Edmonton news station, on a video chat, to tell what I see as a injustice in our countries justice system. To help people understand that in Grande Prairie Alberta, you can be run into by someone driving there car, and run onto the hood down the road 1/2 a block or more, then dumped off onto the cement on your head, then drive away. Leave the scene, and not be charged with a criminal act, even if the police and the crown prosecutor agreed "it's a crime, this was criminal, in our opinion, we just can't prove it in court." "He came back to the scene, he dialled 911, under the directions of his passenger."  So they will not charge this 17 year old that's now walking around, driving around Grande Prairie Free. 

I'm not going to give up till we have justice, I'm not sure how that works here in Canada, but I do know what that Looks like to most anyone that I talk with, and it doesn't look like a person driving, walking, free to do as he wants while our son, husband, friend is gone. 

I always told my kids when they would exclaim "it's not fair" that the world 🌍 is not fair, I guess I'm looking at my own words now. 😞

Just after 7 now, I'm guessing I better stop for now, another sigh, and another drink of what's now cold coffee ☕. 

I laugh, that's my story and I'm stickin to it!

💔 🤗♥️

I wake thinking of Justice for Chris.

       Christophers camera, I'm borrowing it.

Tuesday 

How did this come to be? Where can I get answers? Who is responsible? When will this pain go away? Why do I continue to try to figure it out? Why won't the police give me a straight answer? Why send me from place to place to search, when they know? What can I do? Who do I go to for a straight answer about what caused my son's death? Is this something I need to do? Can I just walk away as the police seem to want me to? Who is this guy? Is he being protected because he's someone's Son? Nephew? Friend? What can I do? Where do I go? What about this, and what about that? 

My mind continues to work at trying to understand this, to figure it out, to know what to do. At the same time my innermost sole is being attacked with pain I really can't explain, it hurts so God damned bad. 

I run outta Kleenex, off I go to search, I find one in another room, I sit again 5:10 now, not too bad, I woke at 4:00, tossed and turned till 5:45, thinking, then up and I get to do what? Wash my face, make a coffee ☕, shave and now here I sit. TV doesn't interest me, I sit where I know I'll be able to watch the sun come up, and drink my coffee, hopefully it's warm this time, as I think I forget it's there.

I write here to help me think, as even though I've played the thoughts over and over, from day to day, I just don't really have the jump to attack this, I really don't know how or where, or when. 

I went to the place Chris was hit, had a look, asked a few questions, getting clearer now 

Wednesday 

Today I can, I have energy for today. Ciara said yesterday the dash cam video will be ready, she's got 2 USB things the shop has transferred the video onto, one for her, one for her lawyer. The cop said twice to me, don't watch this, I wouldn't advise you as he rested the case on the video, not what you would want to see. Then before I left the interrogation room, he said twice when I asked about the charges, "why they were dropped?" he said "watch the video" 

I just don't want to see and hear the last of my son angry, giving some other guy his anger for the finger he thought was due after the injustice of cutting in front, not letting him in to the traffic lane?  Ciara tells me in the video Chris was not yelling, angry, I still don't want to see it.

I don't have to watch it, the police are there for us, all of us to collect the evidence, determine if a charge is due, and charge the criminal. This was done, then not just given to the crown prosecutor, but a sit-down exchange I'm told by the officer, a discussion, where the officer says I wasn't sure of the charge, I had some reservation about this charge. 

"So what was the reason the charge was dropped?" "Watch the video!"  "Where can I go from here, who was the crown prosecutor?" 

"Ask the crown, but I wouldn't go next door, I recommend you ask in Edmonton, the head of the crown prosecution." The officer says as I'm leaving.

At this time I realized this cop was not going to help me, he seemed to be a decent guy, but he wasn't going to help me. 

So now what? I put a post on FB, just how the charges are not happening, I got some ideas I didn't expect, where to go, I got some advice on how to proceed in a PM, I just don't know if I have what it takes here and now, I'm loosing the fight I once had, I just feel sad, hurt, and kinda screwed. 

Maybe later today I'll feel like it, but right now not. 

That's my delema, I think could, or should I hire a lawyer? They might fight for me, for a price! 

I snicker, hire a lawyer to take the police and the crown lawyer to task? Yep I'm really feeling fucked right now.

Another coffee ☕, maybe that will help. 

Dogs are up, I let them out, make another coffee ☕, let them back in, put the diaper back on Charlie, he's being pretty good this time. We are fortunate to have good friends here in GP letting us stay, they had a trip planned so this watching the house & dogs for them just fit, for us and them.

I just can't stop thinking, none of this would have been needed if the guy just continued on, or Chris continued on. What a terrible outcome from an angry exchange on the road. 

I'm thinking Ciara will watch this video with a friend, I could, but I just really can't. She was there, she saw it first hand, but still there's more, some she didn't see. The dash cam was in her car, it caught what happened. I guess today I'll wait and get answers from her or her friend. 

I wonder if that will help propel me into action? Or will it just answer my questions? 

Ok that's enough for now, I'm going to turn on the TV, but what will I watch? I just don't give a dam right now 🙁

Monday

We Ciara, Larry & I went to Rainbow lake Monday, 6hrs there 6hrs back, packed up all Christopher's personal belongings, talked with a friend of his, got hug's & gave hug's, talked with his crew members, gave hug's, & got hug's. Looked at his office, a place we all saw every once in awhile on video chat as we talked with Chris. I would talk with him in the morning, have a short chat, usually he would say "I'm just waiting for the permit, the guys are loading the truck." 

           Chris's trailer at Rainbow lake 

I knew what he meant, the crew loaded the scaffolding they needed for the day, and the permit was something he had to submit to perform the work. It was nice to have that few minutes, just a short exchange, I took what I could get. A Snapchat, a message on messenger, a video chat, or just a short message, all were contact, and I loved all of them, no matter how short. 

I have the messenger conversations on our feed still, I'm thinking that's better than TV, so that's what I'll do now, wonder how that will feel? I've been shying away from this so far, knowing it will be tender. Oh well, got to sometime. Today's the day.

Thursday 

I called the crown prosecutor today, the secretary said he was busy again today, but he would send me an email when he felt like it. Not very promising, but surprised I was when later I got an email from him, said he was busy tomorrow, and all next week, but would meet with me on the week of Dec 5th. So we booked 5th at 9:30 am.

Ciara is getting some information today too. We are moving ahead, even though I'm not sure we will get what we desire. Still, something is happening, that's better than nothing. 

Ciara & her friend did watch the video, 3 times. After this Ciara still doesn't understand what the officer saw that could change his mind about the charges, the car ran at Chris, Chris jumped last second, or he would have been run over. 

We Ciara and I wrote a obituary for Chris today, using another we liked for a pattern, along with his Mom Linda's writing. Was a tough go, we held together not too bad, was hard.

Polly has a cold, she's been hacking and sounds rough in the throat, I ask "You alright?" "Ahh yeah" she says, tough Polly is. She thinks she got it from the hairdresser that did her hair Saturday. Polly's staying home right now, not wanting to pass it on. 

Dogs in, dogs out, dinner was good, leftovers tonight, with fresh shortbread cookies Polly made this afternoon. Lucky me 😃

Friday already, gee, that went fast 😳 

Weekend will be same, fast. 

Good news from Ciara, she has been busy, she has all the funeral arrangements done, I was some surprised when I read the message last night, that there girl has been busy. I was so happy to see that her gitter-done kicked in when I didn't know. Always knew she had it in her! 

Saturday day morning, early wake up, like usual, just a little earlier than I thought it was. Gives me time to peck here, feeling ready for the day, although a nap 😴 is a sure thing today. The furnace goes on and off, I hear the fridge making the noise too, water pump Polly said last night. Now the fan for the furnace, all that makes our life comfortable. 

Been a nice week, warm for GP at this time of year, up to 8°c this will change now. We are fortunate to be able to be out with our coat open. I thank Jack every time I get in his pickup, for the ride back and forth to Ciara's. My life is easier because of this. 

Colton's happy 😊 is back, he had a few days of teething cranky, was unlike him. He runs to me as I come in, not shy, happy. When he thinks it's time for me to go he starts with bye-bye, and waving his hand. We laugh. 

Ciara's friends have helped so much, is so heart warming seeing this Love ❤️

Jennie came again yesterday, Ciara had an appointment, before Ciara left we took an hour and organized the garage, Ciara was in motion. I've noticed this in her, like once she has her mind made up, away she goes. After awhile, Colton is down for his nap Jennie joins us, then the shelving of much that takes up room on the floor gets pushed up onto the mezzanine, Jennie was up on the big shelf, and we passed up the items. Ciara has to leave, but not before the cupboards were accessible, and the counter was cleared. 

A job well done, every day something gets done, even if small. We need to keep moving, keep doing something. I need to keep doing something, even if just pecking on this phone. 

Sunday tomorrow, the week has gone so fast. One more week till Chris's funeral. 3 more days till our friends come home 🏠, with there adventure stories, I'm looking for to this.

4:57 now, well that's a better time to be up 😃 now to have another coffee ☕, cup#2. Chris and I would message like this when he was home, nobody up at his house or at mine, just a weekend exchange, then Colton would wake, and after he had him all organized, food on his highchair table, he would video chat with me, a little bit of time with Colton and Chris. I'm happy I have those memories. Off I go for a Kleenex again, a short blow my nose, and wipe my eyes. I'm doing better each day, just can't hurry this. The week might pass fast, but the pain hangs on till is subsides, then again it comes. 

It is what it is.

Today we, Polly & I will likely go to Ciara's, do a little more, hugs, talk, a lamp has to go up, dinner maybe? Look and listen to our happy grandson, visit and hug some more. See what else we can do to help. I booked our flights yesterday, Dec 10th to our trailer in Norfolk Virginia, we will continue our adventures, although we have changed, we will move forward, just be a little different. Messages will be with Ciara, not Chris. Visits still with Colton, sometimes Chase in the background, maybe Laurie Ciara's Mom. 

I'm sure Ciara can handle this, I know it's painful, but I'm sure now she has strength, strength even she didn't know she had. The children help further that, you can't just stop, the days will move her ahead, and with the great friendships, the future will get brighter. Not wanting to see this will become a desire to move on, it early now, but I believe forward motions is best, but grieving has to be done before that happens, and we all are grieving, nobody can say when is done, except the person grieving. I just know Chris wouldn't want us to be at this to long. 

I'm learning as I go how much he was like me, gitter-done, that was him, and I see this in me too. I never really thought his way was from me, he seemed to have more energy than me. I'm guessing now I was looking at me now, not me at his age at the time. I'm into the Kleenex again, I snicker. It feels good to put down what I'm feeling, what I'm thinking. I'm not sure I'll post this, just writing it should be enough. 

My daughter Penny messaged me yesterday, it had been a couple days, she's having a tough go of it, is not easy being away from here, she's doing her best. She sent me photos of her cat yesterday, is a cute cat, a friend that's there all the time. 

So many people effected, so many people's lives changed. Just so much hurt. I'm feeling calm now, just feeling ok. Again as I reach for the last bit of my second cup I feel fortunate, I'm warm where it is cold out, I can do this. I can carry on, move forward. 

While packing stuff yesterday I saw something I gave Chris a long time ago, the boxing gloves my day passed on to me. They were in a box, up on the mezzanine. I was surprised, I knew he had them, I was just surprised to see them. He was a real collector, in the box we're Chess men from a game I had been given years ago, and a tube of tinker toys, I forgot about. I was taking it in, then I moved another box, was really heavy, I had to look inside, it was all his cards, hockey, baseball, and many more. Cards from his early collections. Yes he was a collector. I took pictures of both boxes. That's me, I take pictures.❤️

Sunday morning in Grande Prairie

                

My view early this morning 

I'm not from here, but I have been here a time or two since my son moved here. I never thought of being here in winter, but here I am, rockin winter boots and a coat I had burried under our bed thinking I wouldn't be wearing anymore. 

I took a walk along the main road of the town , the old center of Grande Prairie, along the new wide paving stone sidewalk. Benches of wood along the way, with dividers of aluminum or stainless steel, so nobody could lay on them, and only room for 2 people. The sidewalk was so wide, but almost nobody out walking on a Saturday afternoon. Except for what we used to call bums, but now called homeless people. 

The sidewalk was extended at intersections, kinda bumped out, making it so people were even closer to the traffic as it went by. This center road is one artery that connects one side of the city to the other, so it gets busy, not with people stopping to shop at the businesses that line the street, but to get to the other side of town, where the real big stores are, home Depot, Staples, Costco, those kinda stores. Stores that pay the majority of the taxes, and people do most shopping. 

I walk by the co-op that still exists here on the main street, I'm sure this has been here for years as this town before oil&gas was a farming community. Just like Dawson creek, I saw the development there too. 

      The beauty of a pink sky in the morning

Dogs are out now, I hear Walter baying, with Barb out smelling the turf too, they live next door, they make there rounds daily, this yard and there's is all there property as far as there concerned. It's still dark out, just a hint of light in the sky. 7:39 and all's well. 

Sunday mornings I love, as they seem to start slowly, but here in GP, close to highway 40 you can see & hear the trucks form very early in the morning, this place is like Vegas, it really never sleeps. Always movement, always something that has to be done, 24/7 the machinery moves. 

Getting back to my walk, I didn't go into the co-op, I left that for another time, I'm sure I'll like it. I walked down the sidewalk, all shoveled off, all maintained by the city, a guy with a big backpack and coveralls on is walking the same way, he says loudly how this is such a nice town, just beautiful, he's trying to engage some conversation, but I was quiet, just kept walking As I went I'd stop look in a window, he would pass, still talking, I saw a smoke shop, Al's, the only sign I saw that was neon and has an arrow that flashed pointing into the store, the only sign around that reminded me of Vegas. I looked in the window a while, and the guy passed by, I went in and bought a lottery ticket, not my usual, but I thought what the hell. 

Polly was getting her hair done, so this was my gift to me for the next couple hours, a walk where the sidewalks were not slippery. 

After a short talk with the the woman that was on the till and sold me the ticket I went back to walking, the guy was still wanting to engage me, he said so your wife left you hey, I said no, he said, don't lie to me, I just said nothing, he wanted some talk, I just kept waking, he finally turned off, I think he realized he was not going to get what he wanted from me. 

I got to the end of the old uptown, at the intersection was at the beginning of a hill that led down to the river then up to the other side of town. I crossed the street to the tallest building around, I big black looking building that people here called? Something I forget. It's the center of GP, and the end of my walk on one side of the street. 

I stopped and looked at the sign in the building, it said Gallery, hmm so I went in, art galleries always different, this one had a stool as I went in, and a gas can on it. Hmm I thought, I wonder if this is an art exhibit? As I'm going in, another couple is leaving, I ask the guy there, is the gas can an exibit, he laughs an says it's from the people that just left, they ran out of gas right here, friends he knows, "he's an Engineer" he says, like it's odd that he would run out of gas! The gas can was their's, he tells me. I'm surprised and yet not, anyone can run outta gas. 

I start to look around at the gallery, I see at the front counter he's a framing shop too, so one stop shop. I tell him of a friend I know had a shop same in Port Alberni, I'm from the island I say. We talk a little, but he's busy with something, so I walk on looking at the art. I look at the Christmas bulbs you would hang on the tree, hand painted inside a clear globe, they were very nicely done, he explains how they paint the picture inside with a curved brush, then after take paint and swirl it around to make the blue background. I thought the $6-800.00 price was way out of line, but they were beautiful alright. 

As I looked around a little more I realized the oil field money here afforded this kind of lavish Art, everything was at what I would call a bloated price. I shook my head and walked on, but not before I had an interesting conversation with the owner. He said to me as I was almost finished looking that they had a Vegas night last night, the stores stayed open till 11pm. I asked how he did, he said he did ok. He then said u can put your name in the draw for $1000. Dollars, I said I would, might as well, I just bought a lottery ticket at the smoke shop, he then told me the name, Al's and said probably 1 of two oldest buildings here in GP, that and the funeral home. 

Of course I had to let him know that I was here due to the funeral home and and our son's funeral, and let him know of the accident and what I think as the injustice involved. He was sympathetic, and said he was sorry for this, but I could see he was maybe uncomfortable with it, or maybe disinterested, just shuffling paper, and acting like he wanted to get on with his stuff, to do. As I was standing there he relayed that he was going to be closed tomorrow, he was going to visit his father. He wasn't doing well, he then said he thought he only be with us for a couple weeks. 

Hmm, now it was my turn to not know what to say, what to do. I asked, what was wrong with him, he told me a list of things he had removed in an operation, and his age was 84 so not doing good, he's on a big piece of property, north of Edmonton, and he had a partner who lived with him, she was finding it impossible to continue to look after him, as he was struggling not able to get around, but just a tough old guy that won't give in. 

So I said you have to go to see what you can do to help, I asked what will you do? He said he wasn't sure, but he can't stay there by himself, and his partner is about done, so something has to change. 

           Daylight changes my view

I wished him well, and good luck. He said the same to me. I thanked him for asking me to put in for the draw, he said good luck.

 I left thinking I'm going back to find out how he made out, I was even thinking what day he would be be there? What day would be best.

I don't think of this often, I just do it, I find it interesting how easy it is to establish a relationship with people, not trying to, but it happens. I'm a very lucky man to have this ability, and because of this we have many very good friend's. Polly has this gift too, she opens up and out comes this beautiful person nobody can resist 🤗

I continue my walk up the other side of the street, past many businesses and a huge empty lot, with a big excavation, and a sign for a variance permit issued in 2021, still no building. I stopped into a pawn shop, always interesting, so much stuff, very organized this shop, huge place, not as much stuff as some. 

I like garage sales to look around too, but I'm not much of a buyer, I laugh. 

As I walk towards where I parked the truck I saw the Al's smoke shop sign again, sure looks inviting, with the small blowup Santa Claus out front. I know I'll walk here again, was a gooder. I look at my phone, is right on time to get Polly, 3 pm she said, so I get in the truck, set the gps on the phone and off I go, slowly, cautiously, as people move fast here, I don't wanna be in a accident. 

Polly was walking out just as I got there, a new woman. Always a surprise when she's got her hair done, I'm a lucky man. 

Nice to do something else for awhile, let my mind rest, and think about something else. 

Sunday mornings writing was fun, just about as fun as the walk. Life feels a little better today, just a little 🤗♥️

Can I write? Can I write now?

It's been a short time since Chris has passed, but I'm doing better now, well at least at this moment. We are in Grande Prairie at our good friends home and treated very good. We we're welcomed with open arms, a drink, a pot of chilli and conversation that helped so much.

Every day now we have been going to Chris & Ciara's house. Hugs are the absaloot norm now, we all need them. Squeezing tightly doesn't bring him back, but it's what we do. Crying happens when we don't expect it, and much pain and love happening all day, and at the same time. 

Stuff gets done, some Ciara needs to be done, some we just do to help forget for awhile. People came to say hi, give a hug, and pay there respects. Some we knew, some we met for the first time, Chris & Ciara's friends here in Grande Prairie, also family and friends came from the island, Ted his good friend & Steve his Cousin. Having them here has been very good. 

Food keeps coming to the door, the fridge is packed, and more keeps flowing in, is a wonder to me all of this, and in the middle of it all there is Colton, with his big smiles and his non stop motion. He kept us all entertained Saturday, and Sunday he is so full of energy, and a very good boy. People coming and going, dogs in and out, sun up sun down, life goes on. 

Today we go to the funeral home, plans will be made, so much to consider, people all over the land, all wanting what they want, all wanting to say goodbye to Chris, and give hugs to his family and friends, and console each other. 

What to say at this point in time? I try to figure it out, Ted & Steve took me to where it all happened yesterday, I'm very thankful for this, I just have to get it straight how all this happened, even if there is no sense to it. 

We looked at where the cameras on the circle K building are placed, and what they could have seen. We looked around, talked and I thanked them repeatedly, as I understand this was really hard for them. I needed this. We drove down the road, stopped at where we thought the brake's went on. We talked a little more as we were stopped in the middle of the road. 

Numb, that's how I feel now, I've been feeling this all along, not sure what's next most the time.

I slept best last night, woke a couple times, but sleep through to 6am, 7;25 now, It's still dark out. Coffee ☕ is cold now as I take another sip, Kleenex is piled up, and I'm still dripping from my nose. 

It's odd to have to plan a funeral for your son and feel like you're looking forward to it. I'm thinking this is needed, to move on we need to make this next step, so a plan has to be made. 

We rely on the people that do this all the time, it's their job, to guide us through. I'm sure this has been done many times here, as Chris lived on the Island his younger life and has lived in GP for the last 15 year's. So two places. We will be looking at how this happens as we listen to what the person gives us for options.

I have swore many times the last while, mostly under my breath, sometimes in the bathroom, in the shower, and outside, where it just helps me to vent the dispair.

A good friend said it best “so sorry for your loss you now belong to the club no one wants to be in, where you lose your children before your self. Too sad”

It’s unimaginable . . . 

Such good word's from a friend that very seldom writes on FB 

I remember the day well when he told me about loosing his daughter, we were at a loggers get together outside the union hall when he told me, I felt my knees buckle, I was so shocked. I was so surprised. 

Well here I am now, in the club, not wanting to be in. 

I see the light coming now outside, 7:44 now, people will be up soon, I have a book to read that my ex wife just sent. Funny how we get close at a time like this. 

Another Day. Today Monday the world goes back to work, and life goes on. Sad will stay awhile 💔

I'm tired, my back hurts, what a trip.

 All looking good as we took off to LaGuardia

From Eastman Quebec to Chesapeake in 2 day's was a feat I never want to repeat. I had a mission, and it worked out just fine thanks to many people and things falling in place. 

The drive was interesting, intense and full day's. Some area's we're fast, but not too much traffic, others were crazy busy as I was close to a city. I drove south to Hartford, Connecticut, then east to Scranton, Pennsylvania. Stayed a night there in Denny's parking lot, then next morning over the Poconos towards Philadelphia, around this city towards Norfolk, Virginia. Chesapeake is right there too, over the 17mile bridge and 2 tunnels under the water, and through the city to Northwest river park & Campground, in Chesapeake city park. 

This was a pleasure to stay the night at as I was tired, and knew I had some cleaning to do, and tanks to empty, here was the best place to do it. Nightly rate, $31 was very good. So made dinner of some appys Polly had in the freezer, toast w peanut butter and jam then settle to bed. Then it started, bang, the rooollllling, then bop again as the acorn fell on the slide top and rolled to the side. Trees were full of acorns and all were ready to fall.

All night at different times the acorns fell, most I never heard as I was asleep, but as soon as I woke I'd hear the bop, bop, and a roll sometimes the another and then a few more, was kinda funny. I knew I would have to clean off the slide before I could put it back in. Good I only put one slide out. 

That morning I made coffee, and waited for the light to come, wrote a little, and when the light came I started the cleaning and put the slide in, trailer was still hooked to truck, so easy move.

Off the the dump station, gave the tanks a good cleaning, and put some deodorant in the wast tank. Ready for storage now. 

Off to the storage unit, which was a good looking place, with some strict rules around storage, I got a long term spot, so will not have to move it while it's there. Finished a good cleaning, and killed more of what I thought before were ladybug's 🐞 but are Asian beetles,

very nasty little buggers, they bite, got me twice on my arm, took out big chunks of my arm.

I killed all I could before I shut the door for the last time for awhile.

I left and went to Christy & Duanes place as they helped me with a place to stay for the night, and a ride to the airport in the morning. A very good offer, so helpful in our time of need. Christy made me lunch, and we talked, as we didn't really know each other too much, having met a the funeral for a mutual friend a few years ago, and kept in contact through Facebook. When Christy saw we were thinking of moving our trailer to the south till Chris got better, she offered to have our truck stay in their driveway, and gave storage place info, and offered to let me say, and give me a ride to the airport. This fit just perfect.

Later that day I met some of Christy & Duanes family, had dinner with them, and we took a ride around the town and too the beach. Was a nice tour, we will spend some time in the area when we return to get the trailer and continue our trek south. 

Early the next morning 4am we got up, coffee ☕ and off to the airport. This is where the real fun starts, everything looks good, until the time we are to load on & the plane gets delayed

a bit, then we load on knowing that there is fog over LaGuardia airport. The captain says we might have to de-plane😯 Well that doesn't sound good, so he says he's going to call and see what's up. 1/2 hour later we are taking off, thinking we are good to go, up up and away we go. As we fly it starts out nice looking through the window

Then I see fog, so much I'm thinking this doesn't look good.

So we circle around 5 times the captain says we have to go back, can't continue as low on fuel. So now we land off load, and get a message that our flight is scheduled for 10:30 now. Many go up for new time or new flight, I wait. Then the board shows new time 11:00am, but the two people at the desk say not likely, come make a different flight. I get in line now, I get a new boarding pass, new time. Then cancelled, all flights to LaGuardia a no go for today. 

Ok, now what? I get in line again, it takes awhile, but I get to the desk where two attendant's are working as best as possible getting alternative flights for people. This is a Delta flight, but I booked with WestJet, still they are very helpful. The woman as she's looking for a flight for me is thinking I may have to rebook for tomorrow. I not liking that, then she is told on the radio she has to go attend an incoming flight, as they need a representative there, so before she goes she asks Brian, the other attendant to get a flight for me after he finishes with the couple he's dealing with. 

Brian gets to me and says after looking at what the woman had started, I don't see you getting out today. I say I really would like to fly today, he looks some more then makes a call, he's on hold. After awhile I see he's looking at the couple behind me, I say yeah go ahead, deal with them while on hold. This takes a long time, I'm wondering if the call will ever be answered. The lineup gets smaller, the woman comes back, and Brian is still on hold. Ahh, I'm thinking, then Brian says to the woman "What's her number" and he calls on the cell phone, talks to someone, and then he says, Brent follow me. 

Well this feels good, on my way to a flight I'm thinking, I'm going to get a good seat, all will be good 😊 We get to the terminal at the very end of the airport after a fast walk, Brian talks with the woman there, as all the passengers go past and load on the plane. As the last passes he says, as we walk back, looking like this might not happen, looking like I won't get on a flight today. 

Back we walk to where we started, and he gets on the phone again, then another number, and I'm standing thinking what the heck. He looks at me after about 10 minutes, and says to the person in the phone, I have to get you to book this in next 10 minutes, or we miss the flight. Then he's on hold again, I'm shaking my head, then he looks at me and says, Brent go back to the other desk, I'll be behind you. 

Well now I'm walking there even faster, thinking I just might make it now, I get there and the woman prints out my boarding passes, and I walk down the hall, but not before I turn and say to Brian "Thanks for this" 

What a relief, as I walk down the aisle everyone was seated, I was absolute last person on the flight. Back of the plane, left side, between two guys that are non talker's. A new route, Atlanta, Calgary, Edmonton. At least I'm getting going.

This was a short flight, but comfortable as seats reclined and TV was in the seat in front. I watched a movie, Breaking, I didn't get to finish, but I will sometime, was good. That went fast, 11/2 hrs or so. We off load, then get to the gate for the next flight after another long walk to the far end of the airport, big airport. I get some lunch/dinner now, as I have time, and eat in my seat. No table's here. 

I try to sleep a little after eating, but didn't get much in, then flight loaded, and we on our way to Calgary. I'm seated in row 12 now, just behind 1st class, a little more leg room. I try to sleep again, no luck but I find a game to keep me busy on the phone, silly little game, but I played anyway. Later the cart goes by, I ordered chips and a KitKat and a rum and coke, I had definitely had enough of travel today. 

The chips were good, the KitKat great, and when I got the rum and coke mm that was very Nice 👍 made for a decent trip to Calgary. 

The trip to Calgary was about 5 hours, but it went fast, I met the woman next to me, and her child, she was Korean, and had lived in USA and Canada, a very interesting life she had. We talked till the end of her boys game was over then she spent time with him till the flight was over. I played my game a little more. 

We landed, I then had to walk to the other side of this airport, I walked fast to make it on time for my next flight, as I was walking I noticed my next flight time was already being changed, they gave an excuse the flight crew was not here, had to fly in on another flight. Excuses aside, our flight was delayed 31/2 hours, oh and the flight had to de-ice before we left, all takes time, but better safe. 

        Snow as we got closer to Edmonton

 We landed in Edmonton at 12:30am. 

I was happy to be home, Ciara & Polly picked me up, gave Polly a big hug and 😘 kiss, then they brought me home. I was so tired, so darn tired. I showered, and to bed I went, a good solid sleep till 5:30 am, I got to the hospital at 6 just in time for the doors opening. Was nice to see Chris again, he was not as responsive as I hoped, but the next day he was. I didn't last long that day, home for breakfast, and bed again, was a day of naps.

The roller coaster continues, and we will stay till he's better. 

What to say, the truck & trailer are safe from snow now, and we are here ready to spend the winter if need be. Life is what it is! 😊❤️

I can't sleep, so I'll write

A friend calls, a friend messages, we talk, it's good, it helps me take my mind off what's going on some of the time. Mostly I just don't know. I don't know when Chris will wake, I don't know how much damage he has, I don't know how long this will take, I just have lots of I don't know. 

I've been told this is going to test my patients, and that it is. I'm doing something now, lol writing here, this keeps my mind busy, helps me sift through my thoughts, and just think. I drove a long ways today, 2 tanks of fuel, I don't know how many miles, here I am after dinner at Denny's, an omelette and toast, and a short walk across the street to buy a Powerball ticket, even if I don't really need more $$$, still it was something to do. 

I'm learning that's me, I'm a do kinda person. I like to be busy. Not always productive like some but busy. I thought I knew me pretty good till this happened, now I feel like there's nothing I can do to hurry this change this, make it different. "It Is what it is" I quote Tod Bertuzzi I remember that well, as he said it over and over to the press, no matter how many times the pressed him, he said the same. 

It is what it is.

I just have to realize that time to heal is what is needed and I can't speed that up. I can drive, tuck away our home till things change, I can book a flight, I can get a better place to stay, but I can't hurry this, I just have to have patience, and support Chris until he comes too. There, that's it, that's what I can do. 

Well I'm going to drive again tomorrow, along a route I've never seen before, maybe a few glimpses, but likely all new traffic. Watch the crazy behaviors that people have and do as they hurry to whatever seems so important. As I drive sometimes I say"What the fuck, you idiot" then I let off on the throttle and let em go, get away, I'll stay back here if you are going to be so stupid to drive like that.

I'm not a pro driver, but I do know when to get the heck outta the way. I have learned to follow a big truck, that has a much better view than I and radio contact with others that are ahead and know what's coming. I remember fishing doing the same, I'd watch the guide's, they knew. Now I watch and follow the trucks that are going about the speed I'm comfortable with, not too close, but stay with the one that is making good decisions.

I called Polly earlier, we had a good talk, Polly held down the fort yesterday and today, Ciara came back today, so Polly will not be on her own. Not much change, but they do have Chris off the propofol, and on another drug now, that is something. He's still out though. Polly and I are not often apart, so we kiss kiss 💋💋 hug hug, 🤗🤗 and will talk tomorrow ♥️

Well I'm going to have to try to get back to sleep sometime, guess now is as good as any 😊

💤💤😴