I can't sleep, so I'll write

A friend calls, a friend messages, we talk, it's good, it helps me take my mind off what's going on some of the time. Mostly I just don't know. I don't know when Chris will wake, I don't know how much damage he has, I don't know how long this will take, I just have lots of I don't know. 

I've been told this is going to test my patients, and that it is. I'm doing something now, lol writing here, this keeps my mind busy, helps me sift through my thoughts, and just think. I drove a long ways today, 2 tanks of fuel, I don't know how many miles, here I am after dinner at Denny's, an omelette and toast, and a short walk across the street to buy a Powerball ticket, even if I don't really need more $$$, still it was something to do. 

I'm learning that's me, I'm a do kinda person. I like to be busy. Not always productive like some but busy. I thought I knew me pretty good till this happened, now I feel like there's nothing I can do to hurry this change this, make it different. "It Is what it is" I quote Tod Bertuzzi I remember that well, as he said it over and over to the press, no matter how many times the pressed him, he said the same. 

It is what it is.

I just have to realize that time to heal is what is needed and I can't speed that up. I can drive, tuck away our home till things change, I can book a flight, I can get a better place to stay, but I can't hurry this, I just have to have patience, and support Chris until he comes too. There, that's it, that's what I can do. 

Well I'm going to drive again tomorrow, along a route I've never seen before, maybe a few glimpses, but likely all new traffic. Watch the crazy behaviors that people have and do as they hurry to whatever seems so important. As I drive sometimes I say"What the fuck, you idiot" then I let off on the throttle and let em go, get away, I'll stay back here if you are going to be so stupid to drive like that.

I'm not a pro driver, but I do know when to get the heck outta the way. I have learned to follow a big truck, that has a much better view than I and radio contact with others that are ahead and know what's coming. I remember fishing doing the same, I'd watch the guide's, they knew. Now I watch and follow the trucks that are going about the speed I'm comfortable with, not too close, but stay with the one that is making good decisions.

I called Polly earlier, we had a good talk, Polly held down the fort yesterday and today, Ciara came back today, so Polly will not be on her own. Not much change, but they do have Chris off the propofol, and on another drug now, that is something. He's still out though. Polly and I are not often apart, so we kiss kiss 💋💋 hug hug, 🤗🤗 and will talk tomorrow ♥️

Well I'm going to have to try to get back to sleep sometime, guess now is as good as any 😊

💤💤😴