Every day now we have been going to Chris & Ciara's house. Hugs are the absaloot norm now, we all need them. Squeezing tightly doesn't bring him back, but it's what we do. Crying happens when we don't expect it, and much pain and love happening all day, and at the same time.
Stuff gets done, some Ciara needs to be done, some we just do to help forget for awhile. People came to say hi, give a hug, and pay there respects. Some we knew, some we met for the first time, Chris & Ciara's friends here in Grande Prairie, also family and friends came from the island, Ted his good friend & Steve his Cousin. Having them here has been very good.
Food keeps coming to the door, the fridge is packed, and more keeps flowing in, is a wonder to me all of this, and in the middle of it all there is Colton, with his big smiles and his non stop motion. He kept us all entertained Saturday, and Sunday he is so full of energy, and a very good boy. People coming and going, dogs in and out, sun up sun down, life goes on.
Today we go to the funeral home, plans will be made, so much to consider, people all over the land, all wanting what they want, all wanting to say goodbye to Chris, and give hugs to his family and friends, and console each other.
What to say at this point in time? I try to figure it out, Ted & Steve took me to where it all happened yesterday, I'm very thankful for this, I just have to get it straight how all this happened, even if there is no sense to it.
We looked at where the cameras on the circle K building are placed, and what they could have seen. We looked around, talked and I thanked them repeatedly, as I understand this was really hard for them. I needed this. We drove down the road, stopped at where we thought the brake's went on. We talked a little more as we were stopped in the middle of the road.
Numb, that's how I feel now, I've been feeling this all along, not sure what's next most the time.
I slept best last night, woke a couple times, but sleep through to 6am, 7;25 now, It's still dark out. Coffee ☕ is cold now as I take another sip, Kleenex is piled up, and I'm still dripping from my nose.
It's odd to have to plan a funeral for your son and feel like you're looking forward to it. I'm thinking this is needed, to move on we need to make this next step, so a plan has to be made.
We rely on the people that do this all the time, it's their job, to guide us through. I'm sure this has been done many times here, as Chris lived on the Island his younger life and has lived in GP for the last 15 year's. So two places. We will be looking at how this happens as we listen to what the person gives us for options.
I have swore many times the last while, mostly under my breath, sometimes in the bathroom, in the shower, and outside, where it just helps me to vent the dispair.
A good friend said it best “so sorry for your loss you now belong to the club no one wants to be in, where you lose your children before your self. Too sad”
It’s unimaginable . . .
Such good word's from a friend that very seldom writes on FB
I remember the day well when he told me about loosing his daughter, we were at a loggers get together outside the union hall when he told me, I felt my knees buckle, I was so shocked. I was so surprised.
Well here I am now, in the club, not wanting to be in.
I see the light coming now outside, 7:44 now, people will be up soon, I have a book to read that my ex wife just sent. Funny how we get close at a time like this.
Another Day. Today Monday the world goes back to work, and life goes on. Sad will stay awhile 💔
Write like you breathe, friend. As love becomes pain, words massage pain back into love. It doesn't lesson pain, but gives it form. An edge, something to grasp so that you are not lost forever in its ocean. Wounds heal from the bottom up, so that even if the strength or will eludes you to pull up and out, you can have faith that its deeps will rise you up in its own time. This pain is simply love that hurts. Cherish it, as not all have it.
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