Sunday 18 June 2023

Father's Day today! What's it about?

Acknowledging our father and what he means to you, what he's done for you, and what he's instilled in you. (I looked it up, but these are my words, my thoughts) My father was a good man, he had a mental illness we now have many different names for now, but when I was young it was called Manic Depressive. Our family had much turmoil with his sickness as it's predictably unpredictable. I'm not sure this makes much sense to people, but if you know someone with this sickness you'll understand. 

He was a good man, he taught me much in how he viewed life, he saw beauty and expressed it, he ate food with much expression, you really knew he liked what he was eating, he taught me how to walk with a woman on the road, or sidewalk, as her protector, always me next to the traffic. He taught me to swim, and appreciate and love the water as I do. He taught me many things, he was a gentle man, and a gentleman. 

All this he taught me when he was "Normal" when he was Manic, I learned a different side of him, he looked the same, but he was much different. He was extra enthusiastic at this time, very acutely detail oriented, at this time he would pay attention to the smallest detail, and be thinking of the whole world at the same time. To this day I don't really understand this sickness, I just accept this was him. 

After the Manic time, always a depressing time, this was very hard on him and us. My Mom after a few of these bouts as she would call them decided we would leave him, I'm sure this was a very hard decision, as he was the bread winner, and she had a way to make money as a semsteress, but not nearly the fund's as he would make. But in the turmoil of one of my dad's Manic times, she packed up what she could and left. We moved across town in Victoria at the time, Dad found us, and came in full force wanting us back, was a very scary time. 

We moved after that outta town, to a friend's place in Port Alberni, far enough, and I'm sure my mom thought hiden enough that Dad wouldn't find us. This was not what I wanted, or how I imagined our family to be. Here we are, I'll make the best of it I learned to be able to move on. I don't remember how long we stayed with our Aunt and Uncle as we called them, but we eventually moved into and apartment, and I made friends, so did my sister, but my older brother, from another father, he had to leave Mom said, so he joined the army at the time. 

Life changes, and much when you're young you have no way of controlling it, you just learn to adapt. My father did get visitation in time, and we, my sister and I did get time with him later. He delt with this sickness all his adult life, it was not an easy life. In time Joy my sister helped have him move to Port Alberni, and we got to see him more often, but his sickness continued, and every year or two, he would feel really good again, and stop taking his meds he needed to hold him back from being wild. 

Hospital again he would go, medication, and finally released his home finally said, we can't take him back anymore, he's just too much for us when he goes! So a different home took him in until one day he took off for a walk, which he did daily, and never came back. My sister and I looked for him, and many others did too, but he never made it home. A hiker found his remains 3 months later, he got lost in the bush and died. 

Sad, yes, but my father taught me much, even in his sickness, he was a loving father, I looked up to him. 

As a father myself later I did my best to help and teach my children how to be good people. How to make their way in the world, I think they grew up to be good people my kids, even if I don't agree with all their decisions, I love them, and they love me. 

I always tried to help them and provide and protect them. Sometimes this isn't possible, sometimes choices are not yours to make, and life goes sideways. 

This last year has been one of those sideways kinda years, I'm learning from it, and so are many others. 

Father's Day this year is different. I'm closer to my Daughter, and my step Daughter, I'm loving my Wife oh so much more, my daughter in law, has become like my Daughter, our grandchildren have all become even more loved, and that little Colton is just so fun to watch through the phone as he grows up. 

Soon they will make the trip to Port Alberni Ciara, Chase & Colton, we will have a visit in person, hugs all around. 

Yes Father's Day is a time to acknowledge your father, and him his Father. 

Happy Father's Day 🤗❤️


No comments:

Post a Comment